Failure is part of success

Key topic

In this lesson we will explore the relationship between failure and success and discover the ways that the two are interconnected. An important part of the process of dealing with failure and moving on is becoming resilient- in other words withstanding and recovering quickly from challenging situations- and staying motivated. We tend to have a wrong perception of failure. Failure is not an end in itself, but rather part of the road to success.

Learning objectives

• Understand the connection between failure and success
• Discover the process of succeeding through failing
• Create conditions that will help you to use your failures to succeed
• Figure out how to personally develop by learning to deal with failures

How to use failure to help you succeed

Today we are starting off with a short video on failure and why it might not be such a bad thing after all!

This is Why Will Smith Wants You to Fail Before You Succeed

Will Smith basically says that in order to do anything worthwhile in life you have to try; and when you try you fail, at least in the beginning.  If you have never failed in your life, you probably did not do anything worthwhile!  Keep in mind what Will Smith talked about in the video because this is what we will focus on today.

In your life you will undoubtedly face victories and losses, just like you will in sports. Some losses will be very hard to understand and accept and some victories will be very sweet, almost breath-taking. These sweet victories will require you to reach down deep inside, to fight, to be willing to leave everything out there on the field of play, without knowing if your effort will be enough. Remember that society doesn’t reward defeat, so probably you won’t find documentation on many failures, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist or that they are not important in their own way.

Failures that become steppingstones to later success are the important ones, which you need to learn to respect and cherish. Such is the case with Thomas Edison, whose most memorable invention was the light bulb, which took him 1,000 attempts before developing the first successful prototype. When asked about it, Edison responded that he didn’t fail, but it simply took 1,000 steps for the invention to come to being. Can you imagine what our life would be today, if he had stopped at any point?

Many of us avoid the prospect of failure, due to fear and due to being focused on not failing, instead of focusing on how to succeed. “Failure is not an option,” NASA flight controller Jerry C. Bostick reportedly stated, during the mission to bring the damaged Apollo 13 back to Earth, and that phrase has remained in people’s memory ever since.

When we take a closer look at the greatest achievers in history, we can observe a common willingness to take on failure and not give up at all. It is something that we also observe in the modern sports culture, where sports figures have adopted the mindset that failure and defeat are a good teaching point and that by embracing failure they can learn, adapt and develop. Take Michael Jordan for example, arguably the greatest basketball player of all times.

“I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”  -Michael Jordan

It is important that you own your failures and use them to identify trends. Study your failures and understand what you did wrong. Use this information to go back to practice or studying, and import this knowledge into your daily routine, making sure you improve and develop over time. This is exactly the reason why so many professional athletes and coaches spend countless hours watching game film, trying to understand their own performance and improve it.  So, how exactly can you use failures in order to succeed?

1) Redirection

When it comes to accomplishing something, the only way to find out what works is to try and possibly fail. When you try something and it doesn’t work the first time, it provides you with answers on how to act in that situation the next time. However, if you don’t even try the first time or stop after a failure, then you will accomplish nothing.

2) Opportunity

Just because you failed at something, doesn’t mean life is over. Failure often brings out new opportunities. Just think about it, when one door closes another one opens and if it doesn’t you simply create a new one. Failure is never the end; it’s only the beginning.

3) Another shot

The best part about failure is that you get another shot and another one if you like. It’s up to you to decide how many times you’re willing to fail in order to achieve your goals in life. If there’s ever a time where you have the opportunity to give it another go, you have to take it, especially when it comes to your life goals.

4) Courage

Failure doesn’t mean that your life is over and you should throw all your dreams in the trash. At least you had the courage to try. They say that the greatest risk is not taking one. Don’t allow yourself to be so wrapped up in the fear of failure, or the unwillingness to take risks. The person who tries, knowing the great possibility of failure, is the person with the most courage and possibly the chance to succeed.

5) Growth

Learning to embrace a situation and turn it around, having the courage to try and fail and then retry, understanding the ups and downs of every process in the way, is a victory on its own. It’s a sign of growth and personal development, it’s a sign of maturity and an indicator that you are moving in the right direction.

In order to achieve your personal best, to make things happen for you and realize your goals, you can’t fear failure, you must think big and you have to push yourself every day. When you think of people with this mindset, it’s almost certain you will remember people or athletes who succeeded at the greatest stage, because they embraced failure as a necessary step to success. Remember that one of the secrets to success is operating inside your strength zone but outside of your comfort zone, and although you might fail, you will still have the opportunity to succeed. It is important that you go through the process of failing and retrying, because it will teach you more than ever about your strengths and talents, empowering your will for the next challenge.

To be able to withstand this process, you will need to have a positive attitude, something that we will discuss in one of our next lessons. If you can keep a positive attitude, no matter what you are faced with, you will be able to see the lessons of the experience and continue to push forward. Having such an attitude is a choice you have to make and the mindset of not accepting failure as an end result will actually grow and develop inside you over time.

Watch the below video to see how failure has led to success for many people from different walks of life!

Famous failures

Action Steps – Exercise 1 (5 minutes)

• What do you think of the “failures” we just saw in the video?  How did watching the video make you feel?

How to leverage your failures

Successful people understand that failure is not the opposite of success but part and parcel of the road to success. They try and while they might not be successful at everything, they succeed in enough. After all, only the successful part tends to make it to the front pages of the media. Successful people are determined to push through no matter the odds and while they obviously don’t want to fail, they know that success does not come without trying.

Successful people recognize that the rawest and most painful form of failure occurs when you allow the fear of failing at something impede you from actually trying it out. When you allow the possibility of failure to determine your actions and eventually cause you to avoid the risk of failure, you essentially become a failure; and not the good type. Successful people are bold enough to face the fear of failure and smart enough to cope with it and embrace it as an indispensable part of success.

Bravery is not the lack of fear; that is called stupidity. Bravery is indeed the recognition of the fear element but the willingness to push through in spite of it. Even though many, if not most of us, are afraid more than we are brave, what’s important is that we consciously embrace the fear without letting it overtake us; which means being able to assess it accurately and not give it more power than it deserves.

While it is good to acknowledge your fears, you don’t want to hand it the keys to your behavior and thought. It is true that when you start trying something new, the odds tend to be against you. It is also true that, the uncertainty that accompanies the risk feels scary, sometimes to the extent that we think it is easier not to try altogether rather than try and fail. Successful people get down but not out. They might be discouraged, but not for long. All we can do is regroup and not allow all the negative feelings to build and grow.

So, in order to leverage your failures, try to remember:

Learn from your mistakes

A mistake is a rare and precious opportunity to learn something. At the very least it teaches you what NOT to do. By making a mistake you pave the way for a more successful future. As long as you don’t repeat your mistakes, then you should never be afraid of making them.

Don’t hide your failures

It’s very useful to keep track of the things you have failed at. Talk yourself through your failures. Keep a journal, keep physical reminders of your failures. The idea is to accept your failures and value them as life experiences. Keeping physical reminders of failures will also remind you not to repeat them.

Let failure increase your self-awareness

Knowing yourself is one of the most important factors in achieving success. Few things will teach you as much about yourself, as a big failure. Your failure means that you have courage; it means that you have the strength to withstand difficult times; it shows that you can grow and embrace whatever life throws at you.

Failures are a part of the process of success. The opposite of success is apathy- lack of motivation to do anything. Those who have failed the most are also those that succeed the most, because they try more than the rest.

Actions Steps – Exercise 2 (15 minutes):

Ask yourself the three questions below and see if you can understand the importance of failure being part of the process of succeeding:

• Is failure ever useful? If so, how can it be used to achieve greater levels of success?
• How do you define success? Is it about what you feel internally or what others see in you?
• Have you failed in anything lately? If the answer is no, then is it possible that you aren’t trying enough new things? Is it possible that you are fearful of risks?

How to motivate people that failed

Coming back from a failure is not easy, but continuing to push for success is essential in many aspects of your life. Failing at something or failing yourself will often leave you with feelings of pain and humiliation, and on top of that, it usually means that you have nothing to show for all the time and effort you invested in the process.

Remember that there is always a “next time”. If you find yourself in such a situation or you see others struggling to overcome a failure, the best thing to do is act. Don’t think time will make things disappear, or by some magical way fix people. Make it a point to involve yourself in motivating those that fail, because after all they are the ones who try to succeed. If the one failing is yourself, remember to check back in and read the below.

1. It’s ok to fail, everyone fails at some point
2. Just breath, get it out of your system
3. Failure does not define you and you don’t owe anything to anyone
4. Think of people who failed repeatedly and then succeeded
5. Take a short break to regroup
6. Come back with a changed strategy and renewed determination
7. Allow no one to joke about it, unless you are doing it yourself
8. Seek support from trusted people in your life
9. Continue pushing forward
10. Remember that you already made some progress in your quest

Although success and failure go hand-in-hand, many people have a problem with failure.  They think it is a bad word, that it has a bad meaning.  They don’t see it as a stepping stone.  They see it as an end result.  Sometimes success demands many failures. Remember that in every scientific discovery, there were dozens or hundreds of failures before one success. Without failure, opportunity cannot be created.  Without failure, there can rarely be success.

Lesson wrap-up

Today we explored the concepts of success and failure, but most importantly the relationship and interaction between the two. We tried to explain that failure is rarely a bad thing and that it should be instead viewed as a pit-stop on the road to success. We also discussed how people can remain focused and driven in light of failure so as not to drift away from their objectives and goals.

At this point we will wrap up today’s lesson.  First, we will go over the learning objectives of this lesson and we want your feedback as to whether they have been achieved and then we will address any questions you may have.  Please feel free to ask anything you’d like in relation to today’s lesson and we would love to hear how the concepts we discussed today relate to you and your life!