Your attitude is your compass

Key topic

This lesson will help you understand what a philosophy in life is and how it can shape your attitude, which in turn will guide your actions. We will describe why it is important to think for yourself and how to accomplish that. Moreover, we will discuss the importance of personal development through a shift in our philosophy, as well as the importance of positive thinking which can make all the difference in the world.

Learning objectives

• Understand the connection between your philosophy in life and your attitude
• Discover the process of learning to think for yourself
• Create conditions that will help you change and develop by changing your philosophy
• Figure out how you can personally develop through positive thinking and a positive attitude

Your attitude is your philosophy

Little things, do, matter, like we previously stressed and it is your willpower that drives these actions. Willpower is your ability to exercise control of your senses and utilize that control to do something or restrain yourself from doing something. However, it’s not willpower that is the ultimate determinant of what you do in the long run, even though that might work for a while; you can’t keep forcing yourself to do things that you don’t really want to do!

The one thing that does drive your actions is your attitude. Your attitude is manifested in everything you do. Your attitude is so powerful that others can get a sense of it before you utter a word. Moreover, your body language communicates your attitude. Think about it, you can sense how someone feels by the way they walk, how they enter a room, even how they sit on the couch. Your attitude is the backbone of both your simplest and most complex actions—from how you behave in everyday life to how you deal with difficult times.

You would think that controlling your attitude is the secret to controlling your actions, but you should remember that you have multiple attitudes which change over time, causing your emotions to change too. Controlling your attitude can help you control your emotions. It is normal not to feel happy the entire time, or not being fully focused every minute of the day, but do try to remember that your actions depend on your attitude. So, understanding where your attitude comes from and truly making an effort to shape this attitude with the right ingredients, can help you become very successful in life.

Your attitude is the direct result of your philosophy in life. This philosophy is basically a fancy word for the way you see yourself and the way you see the world in general. A philosophy in life is an overall vision or attitude towards life and the purpose of it. We all need to have a personal philosophy in life, otherwise we risk wandering and behaving as a response to random things that happen daily in our lives, without having a general path or direction and with little or no impact on our long-term goals.

Finding the right direction in life is something you create for yourself. You make the decision to act, or at least to try to do something, no matter how small. You should take some time to think and perhaps write down the things you enjoy and the things you like doing. Then take some time to think of those elements that your parents and teachers and coaches emphasize all the time, which are the life values.

Whether you know it or not, you already have a philosophy. Maybe you’ve never put it into words; maybe you’ve never even noticed it, much less thought about it. But you have one. Everyone does. Remember, all “philosophy” means is your view of life or your picture of how life operates. Your philosophy is how you see things. Your philosophy is what determines your attitudes and your actions, whether you realize it or not.

Your philosophy —> Your attitudes

Your attitudes —> Your actions

Your actions —> Your life

Your philosophy is more important than just having book information or knowledge. Your philosophy is the secret that lies behind the puzzle of fate and destiny. Remember the example of the neighborhood people we discussed in a previous lesson and the fact that your favorite sports star grew to become successful, while the rest did not.  Given the fact that the other kids in the neighborhood may have been more talented than your guy, the success your guy had had to do with his attitude towards life; each person’s philosophy and attitude is extremely important in the outcome of their life. Actually, the way each one of us views their experiences will determine how each one of us reacts to them. You create your destiny with your actions. But your actions are determined by your attitudes, and your attitudes in turn are determined by how you see the world.

You should remember that a philosophy in life is not set in stone and it evolves as you gain more experiences in life. Your philosophy will grow as you grow; it will evolve as you evolve. It is highly likely that it will change several times until you reach the point where you actually feel comfortable with it and it becomes second nature to you. Don’t be afraid to see things changing or make an effort to evaluate and change things. It’s only natural to change your point of view as you grow up and this means you are in the right direction.

A positive philosophy turns into a positive attitude, which turns into positive actions, which lead to positive results. A negative philosophy does the opposite: It produces a negative attitude, which produces negative actions, which lead to negative results. Remember the ripple effect. It works both ways.

Examples of different philosophies in life are:

1. You learn by doing
2. Look for opportunities to leave the world a better place
3. There are many different paths to success
4. Take action to improve your community
5. The best things in life are not things
6. Keep smiling because life is a beautiful thing and there is so much to smile about

Let’s watch a 2-minute video which shows the power of being positive in life

The Story of Two Seeds

Action Steps – Exercise 1 (5 minutes):

• Which type of seed are you?  The first one who wanted to grow or the second one who was afraid to grow?  Why?

Learn to think for yourself

To think for yourself means that whatever opinions you hold will be well thought out and come from searching and analyzing what you hear and what you see in life; it means choosing to concentrate on facts and acting the way you feel is more appropriate, rather than choosing to think and act in a way that is just socially acceptable or in a way that will just help you fit in. If you choose to just fit in, or create a philosophy based on what your friends and surroundings think as acceptable, you will not be able to find what’s best for you and become independent.

There are several reasons you should learn to think for yourself. First of all, this is how you will develop the life philosophy that suits your character and your life goals. Second, it will help you to stick to your own values and beliefs and avoid being misguided or influenced by others. Additionally, it will make you unique and it will increase your self-worth.

Our society these days has customs and norms that try to guide your philosophy and attitude. This is not necessarily a bad thing, however, it can be confining and controlling if you accept everything blindly and never question things or compare them to your values and how you feel about life. In order to learn how to think for yourself, it is useful to:

• Develop a strong sense of self. Who are you? What do you want? What is best for you? Answer these questions yourself for yourself Do not let others tell you how you should feel, act and look.
• Be flexible. Look for different solutions and outcome scenarios to a situation from as many perspectives as you can by determining the pros and cons
• Be well-informed. Gather as much information as possible about a subject before forming an opinion.
• Look for possible biases. Don’t let yourself make decisions based on these biases.
• Don’t bend in the face of pressure, guilt and fear. Have the courage to stand up for what you really believe in.

If you follow these steps, you will develop self-confidence and trust in your abilities, and you will gain a greater sense of accomplishment. You will expand your mind and will gain respect from others by standing up for what you believe in. If you find yourself not thinking clearly and being guided by public opinion, or if you find yourself in fear of having to think, feel, or act a certain way just for the sake of being accepted, it probably means that you are not thinking for yourself and you need to reconsider your approach.

As you may have already realized, thinking for yourself is not easy. It requires hard-nosed dedication, willpower and courage. You should remember that you will have personal rewards arising from thinking for yourself, which will be extremely gratifying as you progress in life.

Action Steps – Exercise 2(8 minutes)

• What is your philosophy in life? Do you see the cup half-full or half-empty?
• Have you ever been faced with a choice that went against your life philosophy, your beliefs and values?  What did you do?

Personal development comes from a personal philosophy

Remember what we said that a philosophy in life is not cast in stone. Your philosophy will grow as you grow; it will evolve as you evolve and it will change several times until you reach the point you actually feel comfortable with it and it becomes second nature. Don’t be afraid of changing things or making an effort to evaluate and change things. It’s only natural to see this happening and it means you are in the right direction; changing yourself, for the better means changing and developing your philosophy. When you do that, you’ll be able to take the steps that will lead you to the answers you need. Changing how you see things is not a huge task but it comes down to taking small steps (like everything else we discussed so far).

Learn to accept the things you can control and change and also accept the fact that there will be things you cannot control or change. Focus on yourself. Focus on creating your own thinking process and on learning how to analyze and evaluate the information presented to you. Use your critical thinking to align this information with your goals in life and your philosophy. If the information suits your thinking and your philosophy, then use it; if not, don’t discard it, but at the same time don’t be afraid to put it aside.

Let’s take a look at an example taken from the Success for Teens book of the Success Foundation in the United States.  Tamecka, a 19-year-old girl, learned the power of changing her philosophy when she went away to college. She lived in a foster-care group home (her parents were not in her life) and was very scared and insecure of having to survive all alone in a strange and unfamiliar place. When she first started classes, things seemed fine. But after a little while she met a guy and started spending lots of time with him, skipping classes and not studying. She felt she didn’t matter as a person, because of her parents being absent from her life and she felt that no one cared for her. At the end of her first semester all her grades were Cs and Ds. She didn’t have the attention from parents or friends nor the care that her friends had and that, made her miserable.

At some point though, she realized that she was wasting time, not being productive and feeling sorry for herself, which held her back from her real potential. She decided she needed to change herself by changing her philosophy. She concentrated on making a hard effort in school and getting good grades. She set priorities and looked to be a positive role model for people in the same situation as her, who needed to find support and comfort. She got professional therapy to deal with the absence of parents and family in her life. Tamecka didn’t ignore her problems or pretended they didn’t exist. Her problems were real. Not having parents to support and guide her, was real. Fear of failure in college was real. Being envious of people who seem to have more than her was real. But when Tamecka changed her philosophy, she changed her life. She didn’t completely forget her circumstances, but accepted them and then used them to her advantage. She put her focus on the only time that matters—the present, or what she could do in the moment to improve her situation.

One of the quickest paths to success is to get out of the past. Do review possible mistakes and unhappy events, because that helps you to make better choices in the future. Sometimes it’s not necessary to completely change your philosophy. Instead, you can use the philosophy you already have in a new way that works better for you.  Review, understand, and take responsibility for the mistakes you’ve made, but move forward. Use the past as a tool to do things differently in the present, and move on.

What you think matters

What you do matters. But what you think and say to yourself matters, too. Perhaps even more, because what you think determines the source of your attitudes (your philosophy); what you think determines who you are and what happens to you. Your thoughts have the power to determine how you see yourself, other people, and the world. Your thoughts have the power to determine your actions, behavior, and how others respond to you; your thoughts are directly linked to the type of person you become. This is true of positive thoughts and it is also true of negative thoughts.

Take the example above with Tamecka and look at what she told herself when she first got to college:

• I’m different from everyone else.
• People judge me because I’m in foster care.
• No one cares whether I go to classes or fail.
• Everyone else is happier and doesn’t have problems.
• I don’t have a chance of doing well in college.
• I can’t do well in college because I don’t have a family to support me.

Now compare it with the new things she started telling herself:

• I have the ability to pay less attention to my boyfriend.
• I have the ability to attend classes and study hard.
• I can get help from peer tutors.
• I can get help from my professors.
• I can get help from a school therapist.
• My foster care experience wasn’t completely negative but a source of strength.
• Other students don’t have perfect situations.
• I’ll have bad days, but I can get through them, by using my own resources and help from others.

For Tamecka, it came down to a simple but incredibly important realization. It wasn’t because she was in foster care that she was failing classes. It was because she had been paying too little attention to schoolwork. It wasn’t being in a group home holding her back—it was she, holding herself back. We’re always talking to ourselves, but most of the time we’re not aware of what we’re saying or how it affects us. And there is no more powerful voice than that silent voice in our minds.

No one has more influence over you than you do. Nobody gets into your head more than you do, and there are no messages more powerful than the ones you tell yourself.  There are people who may doubt your dreams and will do their best to pull you off your path. You know people like that—people who can disappoint you and hurt you.  You need to remember though that other people don’t have the power to stop you because they don’t have the power to control your most important tool—your attitude and the way you think.

Action Steps – Exercise 3 (5 minutes)

• Are your thoughts mostly positive or negative?
• How can you change what you say to yourself?

Lesson wrap-up

Today we discussed how having a philosophy of life is essential to your development.  A positive attitude towards life will prevent you from just drifting through life and it will help you in making things happen for yourself. Specifically, you need to have a positive and can-do philosophy in order to take control of your life, and not allow roadblocks and negativity to take over.  To reach your true potential you need to learn to be driven, focused and confident in what you believe, to live by what you believe and to resist things that others might try to impose upon you, against your will. Your philosophy should not be set in stone and it will keep changing. That is a good thing, as long as you are the one changing it.

At this point we will wrap up today’s lesson.  First, we will go over the learning objectives of this lesson and we want your feedback as to whether they have been achieved and then we will address any questions you may have.  Please feel free to ask anything you’d like in relation to today’s lesson and we would love to hear how the concepts we discussed today relate to you and your life!