The challenges of being a teenager and how to deal with them

Key topic

In this module we discuss the chaotic years we call teenage years. The point of this session is to prepare you for the changes you will experience, and enable you to keep some degree of control. We will offer a brief overview of what to expect in your teenage years. We will also highlight the risks and dangers lurking about during your teenage years, before placing particular emphasis on relationships and friendships. We will try to warn you about certain things try to teach you certain ways to recognize toxic behavior. Our program contains a similar lecture for your parents as well, in order to enable them to help you get through these years as painlessly and smoothly as possible.

Learning objectives

• Understand what to expect in the next few years
• Become aware of common problems and challenges you will face
• What to expect from relationships and friendships
• Recognize the signs of toxic relationships

What to expect in your teenage years

Teenage years are chaotic because they are full of changes and confusion for the teenager. Your hormones will be having a party, your bodies will be changing drastically and you will have to deal with changing forms of socialization and social life than what you’ve been used to thus far. Moreover, your interests as teenagers will be constantly changing and your relationship with your parents will be tested and probably strained.

Adolescence is a time for growth spurts and puberty changes. You will grow physically substantially in the course of just a few months followed by a period of very slow growth, then have another growth “spree”. Changes with puberty may happen gradually or several signs may become apparent at the same time. In boys, it is difficult to know exactly when puberty is coming. There are changes that happen, but they happen gradually over a period of time. Physically, there will be several changes such as: voice, body shape, pubic hair distribution, and facial hair.

Adolescence brings many changes, not only physically, but also socially and mentally. During these years, you will experience an increase in your ability to think abstractly and start making plans and set objectives and goals. Make no mistake, you will develop at a different pace and may have a different view of the world, therefore please try to avoid comparing yourselves to your peers too much.

You will also try to gain more independence from your parents, you will seek the acceptance of peers, you will probably be involved in romantic relationships; you will make mistakes, you will get hurt, you will be confused, compulsive, impulsive, you will come to your senses, and then drift again. All these behaviors will be the result of the endless and rapid changes that you will be experiencing both internally and externally.

All in all, you will undergo massive changes without even realizing it in a sense, and experience the most confusing time of your life. Changes will happen inside of you, in your brains and emotions, as well as in your appearance, and your social environment. Everything you have been taught thus far will be put to the test. The most important thing, however, is to maintain control and to keep your parents in the loop. At times you will feel detached from your parents, but it is important to remember that your parents are always there for you, no matter what!  Just remember that what you are going through, many people have gone through before you.  If you believe that no one experienced the same problems you do, think again.

But what about the biological side of things? Lets’ check out a short clip

Your awkward teenage years explained

Action Steps – Exercise 1 (5 minutes):

Were you aware of the information on your brain development we just saw on the video?  Do you realize that you need to use your brain as much as possible to help it fully grow?  What can you do to help your brain grow?

Let’s watch a video that will also you create some sympathy for your parents:

Are you different that the average teen?

Action Steps – Exercise 2 (5 minutes):

Can you relate to the content of this video?  Which particular point of the video is the most relevant for you and why?

The challenges of teenage years

Every teen will face different problems and challenges during their teenage years and there is no way to predict which of them you will face, as they depend on the people you interact and the choices you make. Nonetheless, we list below several of these challenges which are considered by researchers as the most common ones. Let’s explore them briefly:

1) Bullying

About 20% of teens in the U.S. experienced bullying in 2017 according to the National Center for Education Statistics. One explanation the research has put forth is the rise of social media which has transformed bullying into a more public phenomenon. Cyberbullying is so much more prevalent than bullying nowadays. Obviously, you should not bully because what might seem trivial to you might have detrimental effects on others. It is important that you confront and expose bullying when you see it.  If you are a victim of bullying seek help from parents, coaches and/or teachers or any other trusted adults.  The earlier you seek help, the less the harmful effects will be.

2) Depression

According to The National Institute of Mental Health, about 13% of teenagers in the US may experience depression before reaching adulthood. That is over 3 million people and almost twice the cases reported in the previous decade. The number keeps increasing.

Research suggests that depression had a gendered twist with more girls suffering from it. Numerous studies blame technological developments for the increase in mental health problems. There is strong evidence indicating that spending too much time on gadgets may be impeding young people from actual human interaction and activities such as sports, which can help fend off depression. Loneliness and isolation are two of the most common feelings that they may experience.

3) Drug use

Marijuana is more frequently used by teenagers than cigarettes in the US. A few years ago, about 6% of high school seniors reported using marijuana daily. When adults talk to you about this issue, listen to them. They might sound like mere slogans to you now, but they are not.  Studies have shown that drug use by teenagers slows the growth and development of their brain.  Do not underestimate the danger and avoid it at all costs. Do not jeopardize your future.

4) Alcohol use

Alcohol use has declined among teenagers. Nonetheless, almost 30% of high school seniors still report drinking alcohol. Despite that alcohol is legal, it is still a very dangerous substance when used regularly and it has adverse effects on brain cell growth as well.  As aspiring athletes, it will certainly have an adverse effect on your athletic abilities and physique therefore it is best to avoid alcohol use.

5) Sexual activity

In 2017, 39.5% of high school students reported being sexually active. That means that sexual activity has actually declined, albeit slightly over the past decade, which is also evident in the decline in teenage pregnancies.  Pay attention to your sex education classes and although it might sound like the most uncomfortable issue in the world to talk about with your parents, do so, because that’s why they are there; to help you.

6) Education

Research has shown that it’s no longer just the troublemakers and misfits who drop out of school. Some kids experience so much pressure to get great grades and get into a good college that they end up burning themselves out before they graduate from high school. You will experience this anxiety; it’s normal. But remember, a few bad grades are not the end of the world. Everything will work out in the end.

7) Social Media

Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok, and other platforms can be great ways for you to connect with others; but social media can lead to problems as well. For instance, social media can expose you to cyberbullying, body-shaming and so on. Social media can have a negative impact on friendships and is also changing the landscape of dating. It can even impact your mental health. Let your parents and experts help you to navigate social media. Don’t keep your parents in the dark about what you do online. Putting self-imposed limits to your screen time is also a great tactic which will also help you with your discipline, which you need as athletes.

In short, there are many things that you have to look out for. The above list is not exhaustive. Please, do not think of this list as a broken record. There is a reason that adults keep repeating the dangers of adolescence over and over again and it has to do with the dangers hiding behind these issues. Remember, your parents, teachers and coaches were teenagers at some point, so they know how you feel; seek their help, advice and opinion whenever you feel confused, scared, unsure.  Talking to a trusted adult will definitely make you feel better.

Action Steps – Exercise 3 (5 minutes):

Which of the challenges mentioned above sound overwhelming and make you feel that you don’t know how to handle them?  Why do you feel that way?

Relationships and friendships

Relationships and friendships are the two things that will change drastically during your teenage years. You will make and break relationships, form and drop friendships; your teenage years are the years of personality-formation where your interests, thoughts and beliefs keep changing and inevitably the people we have around us reflect all that. If for example, you love football and all your friends are football players and fans and the main topics of discussion evolve around football, then if one day you wake up and you no longer want to have anything to do with the sport, then you will not have many things in common with that social group any more.

Of course, there are other problems in friendships: you will fall out with friends, fight, there will be misunderstandings, you will probably hurt each other and so on. All these are part of life, they are pretty much inevitable and you will have to deal with all these in your adulthood as well. Most of what we just said are applicable to romantic relationships as well, although they tend to be a bit more complicated, because romantic relationships can get more emotional than friendships

It is possible for teens to date the “wrong people”, or someone that they are not a good match with and this is probably normal. The teenage years are a period of harmless experimentation and exploration. You may experience a break up that may seem impossible to get through t the time but a few years down the road, you will be looking back to it and laugh. Everything will be magnified in your brains and you will experience everything more intensely. Now, we are not saying all of these to scare you, but merely to show that everything will work out. You will experiment, you will make mistakes and you will learn from them like millions of teens before you. This experimentation and trial and error process will make you realize what you really want and it will prepare you to make better choices during adulthood.

Although 90% of the times all your mistakes, wrong choices and poor judgement will be benign in the long-run, there are still real threats with the capacity to do real damage. This is why you need your parents and other adults in your life such as coaches and teachers by your side to guide you, advise you and help you when necessary.  We cannot possibly predict every scenario, but we have compiled a brief list of certain signs or red flags in romantic relationships that you should be aware of. This way, you might be able to recognize toxic behaviors and hopefully push them away. For example, when:

• The relationship is abusive (physically, verbally or emotionally)– Signs include: fearing your partner, being sad for prolonged periods of times, apologizing for your partner’s behavior.
• Excessive fighting/arguing– A bit of fighting is not something to worry about – as long as it doesn’t get physical and abusive – but if that is the status quo of your relationship then probably neither of you are having fun and are not a good match and one of you needs to find the courage to break it off.
• You are dating someone older who exerts too much influence on you– If the age difference is more than a couple of years and coupled with negative influence such as substance abuse then it’s probably the result of you being “dominated” by the other party. You should never let other people dominate you and your behavior or influence you negatively.
• You are changing your long-term plans all of a sudden– For example, deciding not to go on to college all of a sudden and instead base your plans on what the other half of the relationship does.

These are but a few of the red flags. Unfortunately, in romantic relationships even adults can grow blind as to the real toxic effects that their partner exerts on them. Luckily for you, you have people in your life such as your parents, teachers and coaches who care about you and want to protect you. Do not react badly to what they have to say and keep in mind that when you are too close to a situation is oftentimes times hard to see it as it is. So, when people who care about you share some concerns, do not be quick to dismiss them.  If you recognize any of the above behaviors in your current romantic relationship, you should do yourself a favor and do something about it!

Lesson wrap-up

Today we discussed several topics relating to the issues and problems that you may face during your teenage years. We started with a brief overview of what to expect in your teenage years and then moved to list a few of the most common dangers and challenges lurking about during adolescence.  We then focused on relationships and friendships in order to emphasize how rapidly they will keep changing throughout your teenage years, but also to issues a few warnings about toxic relationships and how you can recognize them.

At this point we will wrap up today’s lesson.  First, we will go over the learning objectives of this lesson and we want your feedback as to whether they have been achieved and then we will address any questions you may have.  Please feel free to ask anything you’d like in relation to today’s lesson and we would love to hear how the concepts we discussed today relate to you and your life!