Mastering the negative
Key topic
In this lesson we discuss what could be a bad and negative influence on you, your life and your quest for self-improvement. We will also look into the roots and origin of such influences. We will then return to the topic of peer pressure that we addressed in previous lessons and go into it in more detail. In addition, we will discuss how to deal with negative influences and how to prepare yourself for owning who you are and what you need to do to achieve your goals.
Learning objectives
- Understand the sources of negative influences
- Change the way you view information from the media on pro-athletes
- Recognize how to avoid negative influences
- Find ways to combat peer pressure
The sources of negative influences and peer pressure
We have previously discussed the importance of willpower and positive attitude in order to overcome obstacles and barriers. Willpower and positive attitude also guide us through failures which, if seen through the light lens, they become need to become stepping stones for your future success. We discussed how failing is a component of success and an undesirable, yet usually unavoidable part of the process of becoming successful.
Additionally, we discussed the fact that in order to succeed, you will need to recognize the importance of taking small steps, building on each step a day at a time and having the determination, as well as patience, to move forward.
In this long and enjoyable journey you probably have already realized that the road is bumpy and affected by several conditions that you need to learn how to control. A negative influence can be defined as a person or a situation which affects your behavior, your performance in sports and in school, or your everyday life and routine in a way that it becomes unpleasant or depressing, and even harmful in a way that it is jeopardizing your future success. Peer pressure is a feeling that one must do the same things as other people of one’s age and social group, in order to be liked or accepted by them. As we discussed in our previous lesson on peer pressure, there are many shades of it. Negative, positive, spoken, unspoken, direct and indirect. Today we are focusing on negative peer pressure.
A negative influence in your life can come from every direction possible and unfortunately it can even come from your immediate family and social environment. This is not to say that your family and people around you don’t love you or don’t want what is best for you, but adulthood is usually stressful and complicated and leads all grown ups in behaviors that sometime have a bad reflection on young people, eventhough they mean well. Negative influence can come from social behavior, which can even become criminal, such as running with the wrong crowd, which causes trouble like stealing, or using illegal substances. A negative influence can be the media and the way they project and portray the everyday world, but also the sport world and sportstars.
Negative influence can come from classmates who skip class or fail to honor their obligations such as homework or good and proper behavior in school, bullying other kids etc. At your age, it’s very common that negative influence may come from your significant other, who wants to spend more time with you, who wants your full and undivided attention and could be selfish enough to push you to stir away from your student-athlete requirements.
To be honest, your sport on its own can be a negative influence too. It can encourage you to focus so intently on becoming a star that you neglect other essential areas of life; it can cause you to become so competitive and have a win-at-all-cost mentality that leads to cheating, or violent play or causes unnecessary stress over winning.
Negative influence can come from coaches and sport administrators, especially if they don’t emphasize the right balance between school work and sports; if they don’t promote good sportsmanship and the true spirit and values of sports, or if their attitude towards competition is unhealthy. At the same time, negative influence can come from your own home in the sense that sometimes parents want their kids to succeed so much that they forget to allow room for growth and development, or room for joy and relaxation. Parents may tend to become pushy or competitive with other parents and exert so much pressure that it becomes unhealthy.
Peer pressure will mostly come from your immediate environment; that can be classmates, or neighborhood friends or even siblings at home. Their behavior can be a negative influence, but if you feel the need to mimic that behavior, if you catch yourself wanting to belong with that crowd or any crowd, then it means you are feeling the peer pressure and wanting to be like them.
The truth is that there is no golden rule in identifying a negative influence, simply because what constitutes a negative influence for you might be different for someone else; it is based on the values and beliefs of each one of you, but also on the level of maturity and the ability to identify what you need to keep in distance.
We will now watch a 7-minute video which is relevant to today’s topic.
Stay Away from negative people
Action Steps – Exercise 1 (5 minutes)
- Did you have to deal with a negative person lately? If yes, describe the experience. How did it make you feel? How did you react?
The Media effect
One of the biggest sources of influence these days, good and bad, is the world of media, especially with social media being part of our everyday life and routine. The need to succeed has become more important than anything else in this world, and professional sports have changed the views of people dramatically. Sports play a major role on adults, but also on you, because the way some pro-athletes project themselves is a negative influence on its own. Participation in sports is no longer about the actual Game, instead it’s about what comes from playing it; money, fame and publicity are big issues that have changed the fabric of sports. Unfortunately, the media and especially social media are heavily promoting these aspects of sports.
The biggest part of team sports is working together and performing at the highest possible level. Many athletes in professional sports become so self-centered, that they believe they are the most important aspect to their team’s success. This is usually a highly distorted view and unfortunately it is rapidly sweeping your generation and changing the way you view sports. Professional sports should demonstrate teamwork and how to be a team player; it should not be about all the media frenzy and complaining about salaries and how much an athlete should make. Money is changing people’s views, especially if they are in sports for that, and not for the love of the game. Moreover, the advertisement of fame has made young athletes strive for it and this has begun to tremendously affect your generation in a negative manner. Fame has become so powerful that it is portrayed as a means to being accomplished or successful, or getting away with things that you shouldn’t. A few professional athletes tend to also promote bad behavior, by demonstrating a sense of power that comes across heavily through media and it pushes young athletes to mimic that behavior in school by making fun or taking advantage of other kids who are not in sports or are not as good in sports.
Many people tend to act in ways that they see their favorite athletes acting, which may not be the best way to behave. A lot of sports professionals are constantly doing things that draw tons of attention to them; unfortunately, the most publicized non-athletic actions are the negative ones. The life of professional athletes, as portrayed by the media, can be quite conflicting to children. Children are being taught to act one way, but then they see their idols and role models acting another way. This can be crucial to child development because a good number of kids tend to replicate behaviors that they see on TV and other media, since they feel it is much cooler than what their parents have tried to teach them; after all it’s the behavior of the parent versus that of a young, famous and rich athlete. For example, the show MTV Cribs shows off the houses of famous pro-athletes; this only leaves young children marveling and wishing for the fame and wealth of these people. They develop this perception that in order to be cool or blissful you need all these fancy possessions. However, none of these things could ever make a person truly happy. You cannot find the meaning of life in objects.
You should choose to focus on the positives that media outlets offer about the world of sports. Concentrate on the hard work that athletes put in on a daily basis in order to achieve their goals. Look at how sports can positively affect the life of athletes, and also those in the community where sports leagues have been very active with social responsibility. Think of Lebron James’ school for underprivileged kids and how that is helping the community and the kids in the community to go to college; Or, Marcus Rashford in England who is barely in his 20s and has already fought many political and social battles for children in poverty. He even forced the British government into a U-turn. Consider the time and money invested for the betterment of the quality of life and the promotion of healthy relationships and the importance of family time. Think about the work being done with social issues by athletes and sports leagues against racism, against poverty, against bullying. Look at the work being done for gender equality and the responsibility to offer women equal pay and equal opportunities in sports and life in general. These are the things that matter in life and those that you should take away from the media hype and exposure. Sports have the power to change perceptions and attitudes in a meaningful way and to affect the lives of people by improving the quality and not the quantity.
How to deal with negative influences
If you were to assess the most important influences in your life, the ones that have shaped you into what you are, the people and thoughts you choose to allow into your life should be top of that list. Never underestimate the power of influence, but learn how to recognize and utilize positive influence, while at the same time restrict and push away the negative influence.
Peer pressure is an especially powerful force because it is so discreet. If you’re around people who spend all they make, chances are you will start spending all you make too. If you are around people who don’t study, chances are that you won’t study either. People can keep nudging you off course a little at a time and finally, you may find yourself in a place that was not your original destination. Those subtle influences need to be studied carefully and controlled so that you really follow your plan and get to the final destination of your
There will be many negative people appearing in your life and wanting to exercise power over you. It could be because of lack of self-development, or envy, or just pure unconscious effort to feel important, or a host of other issues that have to do with their own life. It takes courage and belief in yourself to overcome their effect on you, but your attitude should be geared towards overcoming their influence and defeating it. In order to achieve it, consider the following suggestions as a plan of action:
- Move towards positivity and away from negativity. You can’t completely block out negative people, but what you can do is change the ratio in which you interact with them; if you feel that they are a positive influence then increase your interaction with them and vice versa. By executing this strategy, you put the odds in your favor and increase the chances of rising above future negative people that you might come into contact with. We’re not saying that you should completely cut out negative people; if you want to try and help them, do. Just keep some distance. Moreover, you can use their negativity to your advantage. They are an example of what happens to you and your thoughts if you are negative.
- Don’t be in a rush to make a decision or take action. Take your time to evaluate people and situations and separate yourself from the emotions that come with the “heat of the moment”. By making any decisions in an emotional state, you are most likely going to do something that you regret. If you take your time, you will better evaluate the influence and then decide if you need to move closer or further away.
- Understand that people can always fault you, because their perception of who you are and what you do is based on their own set of rules and their own measurement of themselves. Don’t take it too hard and don’t read too much into it. Learn to trust your own system and your plan and go after it no matter what.
- Remember that views and opinions from negative persons are only theirs. No two people’s view will be identical; just because they think that you are not intelligent or don’t know what you are doing, that doesn’t mean it’s true. Often a negative person’s view is shaped by their prior experiences.
- Remember that if in your own mind there is no problem, then probably the problem is them and not you. It is common that negative people have done the same things with others in the past and it’s mostly because they have been in many uncomfortable situations and carried mixed emotions that are yet unresolved. If you can understand what it takes and you are determined to follow your own plan, you will undoubtedly be closer to success.
- Understand that negative people expect perfection. This is not a normal outcome, especially at your age and stage in life. As we already discussed, failure is part of the process of success and it can help you to become wiser and stronger. Do not allow negative people to discourage you if you are not perfect, because perfection will not come unless you learn by trying over and over again.
- You can actually turn even the most negative people into supporters, especially if you allow time apart from them and show that the only way for interaction to take place is to have positivity in it and demonstrate your conviction in your positive attitude and the strict discipline in working for your success.
- Utilize powerful messages coming from articles in the news, stories, movies, even songs to concentrate, regroup and motivate yourself to endure the pursuit of your dreams and the struggles to reach your goals.
- Focus on the things that will help you move forward with a positive can-do attitude. Spend time every day on personal development, through reading a book, or learning a new skill, or use a journal to evaluate your progress and take corrective action. The greater your personal development, the greater the trust in yourself and your system, hence the less influence and peer pressure others can exert on you.
- Take responsibility and own it, by taking all the necessary steps to surround yourself with positivity, cutting out negativity and moving forward.
How to deal with peer pressure
Many people think peer pressure is about one forceful person demanding that another tries something or mimics a behavior, but in reality, people make choices and engage in behaviors because they think it’s how they’ll fit in. Perhaps the best way to learn how to deal with peer pressure and be proud for being who you are, even if you are different, is to equip yourself with the necessary social skills that will help you in making choices and decisions. Being able to stand up for your beliefs and your values and learning how to say “no”, even if that will damage some relationships, is a good way to combat peer pressure; perhaps the best of all is the ability to understand and identify the reasons why it’s good to say “no” and to be different.
Below you can find a list of things to consider:
- It’s ok to say “no” and that should be firm and not negotiable, yet it doesn’t have to be confrontational, in the sense that you can be polite and just state your opposition in a matter. At the same time, it’s also very ok if you are unsure about something to say “I don’t know” or “I need to think about it”.
- Understand that words are powerful, but body language is equally powerful. Be mindful to be polite, but firm, stand your ground, make eye contact, and remain calm by smiling. Stand up straight with your shoulders back. Sometimes the best strategy is just walking away and distancing yourself from potential trouble.
- If you feel you said “no” too many times, you don’t have to say “yes” either. Instead, you can offer alternatives, without having to judge those around you, but guide them to a more sensible choice that combines the things you both want, without sacrificing your own good.
- Remind yourself often that you are different and it’s ok to be different and you have your own mind, your own opinions and your own style of doing things. Choose not to change that in order to be included. Learn to trust and appreciate you for you.
- Don’t be scared or ashamed to practice your skills in avoiding peer pressure. Utilize parents and siblings, or trusted friends with role playing to get used to it. Let your parents talk to you about things of this nature and don’t react to open conversation where teachable moments may surface or sharing of emotions and experiences might become necessary.
- If you run out of options on how to handle a situation, don’t be ashamed to blame your parents and just say “they won’t agree with this”. It gets you out of a tough spot, no questions asked.
- Seek positive role models in your group or other groups and use them as an excuse to change things around in your favor. Look for support from others in your group and use persuasion as a technique to avoid risky situations.\
- Find ways to make a difference, to be positive yourself and to excel in whatever you do, even in personal relationships. In this way, you will find that people will want to reach out to you and be like you and not the other way around.
- Speak out if a situation is getting out of hand and moving towards a potentially dangerous one. It’s ok to ask for intervention from parents, teachers and grown- ups, rather than risk serious damage.
- If you feel that you are not being respected and tolerated and your efforts to change things are not being met the same way, you can choose to make new friends, or start new relationships with people that have a similar mindset to yours.
Lesson wrap-up
Today we discussed how you can approach the negative influences in your life such as negative people, emotions and peer pressure. We also looked into the role of the media in narrating the life of our favorite athletes and how it affects the young people in particular. The final parts of the lesson focused on how to deal with peer pressure and other negative influences. The key is finding and maintaining the right attitude in order to successfully deal with negativity.
At this point we will wrap up today’s lesson. First, we will go over the learning objectives of this lesson and we want your feedback as to whether they have been achieved and then we will address any questions you may have. Please feel free to ask anything you’d like in relation to today’s lesson and we would love to hear how the concepts we discussed today relate to you and your life!