Preparing children to succeed

Introduction

Key topic

Family is said to be the backbone of any successful young adult. The support, love, care and guidance given to children play a vital role in shaping their character and preparing them for what lies ahead. Understanding the true meaning of this very demanding leadership role, called parenting, can better prepare parents to adapt to it. Parents should strive to encourage and motivate their children, fostering a development culture and environment, whilst promoting good behavior and true sportsmanship.

Learning objectives

• Appreciate your role in your kid’s sports journey
• Understand the importance of helping your kids in combining sports and academics
• Figure out how to encourage and motivate your children
• Develop proper habits as a sport parent and sport spectator
• Create sport-like conditions at home for academic work and everyday life activities

Positive sport parenting contributes to the holistic development of young athletes

The holistic model of athlete development focuses on the player and the player’s athletic, personal, emotional, psychological, academic, social and financial development.  A holistic view of developing athletes contributes to the personal growth and maturity of the athlete and it prepares athletes not just for being successful at their sport but for being successful in life after sport as well.  The parents of athletes have a tremendous role to play in their children’s development and, positive sport parenting enhances and contributes to the holistic model of athlete development.

Imagine the peer pressure surrounding young athletes today; think of the sport culture and how that creates expectations, long-term goals and needs that are not at all easy to be met. Parents are by nature the first point of contact, support and approval-seeking for their young kids and as such they should make sure that they are all that and even more; they should make it a point to lighten the pressure and keep their kids on the right track following the process below:

The 5 Step Process

1. Provide emotional support
2. Provide enthusiastic leadership
3. Emphasize effort and personal improvement
4. Allow for independence
5. Invest in the journey and not the destination

Parents of young athletes should make an effort to be involved, walking that fine line between being overly demanding or too nurturing with their young ones.  On the other hand, they should also be aware that indiscriminate praise does not build self-esteem; hence, they need to maintain a balance to help their children understand the importance of a reward stemming from real effort.

Moreover, what makes a good sport parent is the effort they put in knowing the team coach, showing respect and appreciation for the coaching staff, without interfering; discussion and exchange of ideas should always take place amongst parents and the coaching staff, as long as boundaries are set.   Additionally, sport parents should be aware that they are role models for their athlete children and that the parents’ behavior is usually modelled after by their children.  Parents need to maintain a firm stand that kids should be loyal to their team, their coaches, and their collective goals. Perhaps the most important characteristic of positive sport parenting is to always remember that the parents’ dreams are not the same as those of their kids and under no circumstances should the parents try to realize their dreams through their kids.

A helpful code of conduct to ensure that parents are doing the best they can for the holistic development of their children-athletes has been formed by the Canadian Centre for Ethics in Sport.

The Code of conduct for parents of athletes

• I will remember that my child plays sport for his or her enjoyment, not for mine.
• I will encourage my child to play by the rules and to resolve conflicts without resorting to hostility or violence.
• I will teach my child that doing one’s best is as important as winning, so that my child will never feel defeated by the outcome of a game/event.
• I will make my child feel like a winner every time by offering praise for competing fairly and trying hard.
• I will never ridicule or yell at my child for making a mistake or losing a competition.
• I will remember that children learn best by example.
• I will applaud good players’ performances by both my child’s team and their opponents.
• I will not force my child to participate in sports.
• I will never question the officials’ judgment or honesty in public.
• I will support all efforts to remove verbal and physical abuse from children’s sporting activities.
• I will respect and show appreciation for the coaches, understanding that I have a responsibility to be a part of my child’s development.
• I agree to Play Fair.

The essence of sport participation at a young age requires an environment of growth and development. It is the parents’ responsibility to foster this environment, cultivate it within the household and help their kids embrace this process of growth in a healthy manner.

Sport parenting guidelines

Sport parenting is a phase in life that most parents go through; it could be that their child has decided to take on soccer, swimming or tennis practice after school, or even pursue a career in sport. Whatever the chosen field and level of involvement of the child, parents play an important role in how young athletes evolve throughout their sporting journey. Sport parents will not only have to drive their child to (and be present during) practice, competitions and tournaments, but they are also there to offer emotional support and encourage their child to realize their potential in a healthy manner.

It is widely accepted that psychological strength and emotional wellbeing are vital for the success of young athletes; evidently, the parent will play a crucial role in this. However, a parent should not get caught up in their child’s sport experience and lose perspective.

It is indeed true that parents do not like to see their children fail or be disappointed, but their desire to see their child succeed and be perfect may add unnecessary pressure, negatively impacting the child’s wellbeing and consequently their sport performance. Unfortunately, some sporting parents end up treating their child’s sport as an investment, expecting something in return; when a parent’s self-worth is based on the child’s success, this will result in parents being pushy. There is a fine line between being pushy and being supportive, and care must be taken to find the right balance in order to both maintain a healthy relationship with their child, but also to allow the young athlete to develop values that will contribute to their future success.

Rather than being pushy, sport parents should support, encourage, advise their children as to how to handle situations that they have not previously encountered (e.g. performance anxiety, competition setbacks etc.) and teach them good sportsmanship by conveying values such as fairness, respect for other athletes and accepting losses gracefully. In order to strike the right balance between being supportive while not being pushy, a parent may consider the below:

• Provide unconditional love and support regardless of the young athlete’s performance or results; treat your child the same after wins and losses and do not change plans based on the outcome of a competition.
• Help your child develop confidence by praising hard work, emphasizing that mistakes are an important part of learning. Make sure to focus on the effort made rather than the result and always encourage persistence if your child finds certain situations challenging.
• Encourage your child to have fun and enjoy their chosen sport rather than focusing on winning as it is important that the child strives to improve regardless of the result.
• Avoid trying to coach your child or push them into excessive training, as young athletes are at risk of overuse injuries – this is why they have a coach who knows how to optimize training and how to best balance it with rest and recovery.
• Help your child manage stress and anxiety by encouraging them to discuss any concerns they have and explaining that anxiety is something that all athletes experience and that it is the body’s way of getting ready for a competition. You may even introduce them to some basic strategies to deal with stress, such as breathing and mindfulness techniques.

As a sport parent, it is important to be there for your child, and convey the right message, which has been best laid out by Deloris Jordan, mother of basketball legend Michael Jordan: “You have to apply yourself and work hard. And when you work hard and do not expect anyone to give you anything, you can be successful. You may not reach the goals that you set for yourself, but you can walk off the court saying I feel good about who I am because I gave it my best”.

Help your child balance education and sports

Parents are instrumental in helping young athletes excel both academically and in the sports field; a sport parent can offer emotional support, practical time management tips and encouragement for their child to realize their potential in a healthy manner. It may sometimes be difficult for a young athlete to combine their education with a sport and, at times, it may feel like the two areas are competing priorities. However, with the right attitude, they can enhance each other; helping your child learn to balance school and sports is a lesson that will serve them well through adulthood. Here are a few ways to help your child strike a balance between sport and academics:

• Teach your child to manage their time well: assist your child in choosing a tool to help them make a plan and teach them to create calendar assignments for games, practices, and other deadlines. You can help them come up with a schedule once they get their syllabus and training schedule and you may discuss and review the plan together at frequent intervals to ensure that it is realistic.
• Encourage your child to complete their homework on time and stay on top of their assignments, as leaving things for the last minute can cause stress for both you and them. Sticking to their plan and tackling tasks as soon as possible will help them be more in control and avoid getting stressed during their free time, sports practice or games.
• Help them study in a smart and efficient manner: talk to your child about making the best use of their time, perhaps travelling to and from games may be utilized to complete an assignment, while they should make the most of study halls. Indeed, homework doesn’t only have to be completed at night.  As a parent you should try to be creative with your kids’ time management so as to maximize their free time; this way, your child will also learn how to manage their time well.
• Make time for your child to relax: it is important that your child’s plan incorporates breaks to enjoy their hobbies, hanging out with friends and family, and rest. Having a proper life balance will help them avoid burn out and enjoy the journey, which is what sports should really be about!
• Be there for them: engage with your child and keep a close eye on their behavior in their academic and social environments; if there is a change in their grades, sleep patterns, social engagements or general behavior, it may be a good idea to discuss these changes and be supportive of your child.
• Don’t forget your priorities: your child should be able to take a day off of their sports practice or miss a game if there is a family event or holiday – let their coach know ahead of time. It is important that they understand that there are times when personal wants need to come first.
• Less is more: If your child is involved in too many sporting events, or too many extracurricular activities, and does not have any personal time, then it may be time to reconsider which activities are most important and which can be set aside for now.

Balancing education and sports may be challenging for a child. However, with the right approach, it is a great way to teach children all about time management, discipline, hard work, and skills that will equip them for a successful future. Of course, do not lose sight of the fact that at the end of the day, your child should enjoy the process and gain lifelong experiences that they will cherish for years to come!

Be your child’s guide throughout their sports journey

A time comes when parents have to decide, along with their child which educational path they will follow, and that decision can greatly determine their child’s future life. But, equally important for a child’s long-term happiness and prosperity, is their physical well-being, which can be achieved through their participation in sports.  Participating in sports does not only improves physical health but can also help children develop their social skills by making friends, building self-esteem and confidence and prepare them for the competitive environment they will face as adults out in the real world.

Children develop physically and mentally at a different rate, so there are different expert opinions on what the most appropriate age for children to start participating in sports is. In general, children before the age of 6 don’t have the basic motor skills to participate in organized sports so parents should direct them towards activities that focus on working on basic skills such as running, jumping, swimming, throwing and catching. After the age of 6, children will have developed the basic motor skills that allow them to participate in organized sports such as soccer, baseball or martial arts. After the age of 10, children will be ready to participate in more complex sports that require complex motor skills, teamwork and adapting to strategies.

Choosing the most appropriate sport for your child to take on, at any age, will depend on a number of factors:

• Ideally you want your child to participate in a sport that they feel enthusiastic about, so that they stick to it in the long-run.
• If you find your child to be quite social, then a team sport might suit them best. On the other hand, if your child prefers training alone and is focused on achieving individual goals then individual sports such as tennis or track and field might be a better fit.
• Your child’s natural build dictates at a great percentage, the success they will have at different sports. For example, a taller child might have more chances of being successful in basketball rather than a shorter one. Of course, that doesn’t in turn imply that your child won’t enjoy a sport that doesn’t fit their physical traits.
• Last but not least, you should always take into account your child’s and family’s schedule as well as calculate the cost of participating in any sport before making your choice.

If your child shows a remarkable appetite and talent for sport, it does not necessarily mean that they are destined to compete professionally at the highest level or sign a lucrative contract. Being realistic about your child’s chances of making a living by professionally competing in any sport is one of the greatest services you can offer them. According to the NCAA, fewer than 2% of college athletes will go on to become professional athletes, something that highlights the importance of education that will prepare them for their professional life after college.

No matter how talented your child is in any sport, your choices and support are critical for them to have the best chance to both enjoy and succeed in sport.

Parent – spectator behavior

Sitting on the stands or on the side of a pitch, watching your child compete in sports is an exciting and emotional experience. The great majority of parents who make the effort to attend their kids’ games can watch them, learn, grow and develop through sports play.

A good sport parent is a good role model for the athlete. The parent should practice (after preaching) good sportsmanship, meaningful support and avoid confrontation or sending mixed signals in reference to the team and coaching staff. Parents should maintain a firm stand, that kids should be loyal to their team, their coaches, their collective goals and then to the parents and the household.

Perhaps the most important characteristic of a good sport parent is to always remember that their dreams are not the same as those of their kids and under no reason should their own dreams realize through their kids. It is important for sports parents to remember not to define their own self-worth in terms of their kids’ sport accomplishments, by living vicariously through their wins and losses.

As a sport parent you should always keep into perspective the fact that your kids will walk away from sports having earned countless intangible benefits, valuable traits and characteristics, which are transferable and will aid in their future success, in many other facets of adult life.

You need to understand that winning does not automatically make your kids happy and that your attitude and approach is indeed very important to your kids and their development. For most children, a successful game is one in which they had fun, didn’t embarrass themselves and got a great snack afterwards.  Of course, nobody really likes to lose, but you will be surprised at how your kids, on game days, may not consider winning the most important feat of the day.

So, what really constitutes proper sport spectator behavior for parents?  It is quite simple and all you need to do is follow a few basic guidelines which include:

• Applaud effort and encourage good sportsmanship from both sides of the competition
• Remain within the spectators’ areas and refrain from entering the field of play
• Let the coaches and referees do their job, without interfering
• Avoid criticizing or humiliating participants for mistakes and/or behavior on the field
• Neither engage nor tolerate violent, offensive, abusive, threatening, intimidating, behavior or language
• Refrain from alcohol and/or tobacco use in any sporting facility (indoor or outdoor)
• Show respect and appreciation
• Show and transmit enthusiasm in a responsible manner
• Promote playing by the rules and respecting decisions on the field
• Understand that sport is part of a total life experience, and the benefits of involvement go far beyond the final score of the game

If your child could actually advise you on how to behave in the field it would probably be something like:

REMEMBER I am just a kid having fun

REMEMBER it’s just a game

REMEMBER my opponent is someone else’s kid

REMEMBER the referee is only human

REMEMBER they are not handing out college scholarships at the end of the game!

Our behavior on the stands greatly influences and affects our children, both short-term and long-term.  We should always remember that and as parents we should stand up for good sportsmanship, fair-play and true fan behavior.  Take a look at the video below with ten random examples of parents.  Clearly, these are examples to be avoided.

CRAZY SPORT PARENTS!

Action Steps:  Exercise 1 (10 minutes)

Having watched the video, have you observed similar behaviors in other parents?  If yes, have you done anything about it?  Let’s discuss these behaviors and figure out how to deal with them as best as possible.

Your child’s sports future and drawing the line between dreams and reality

It is true that the younger you are the more hopeful you are, and the more hopeful you are, the wilder dreams you have. When kids are young, their imagination runs wild and they all want to become famous and great. They want to become football players, basketball players, astronauts, race car drivers and so on. Dreams are good and a fundamental aspect of being a child; however, as your kids get older you have to slowly pull them to reality, without of course crushing their hopes and dreams.

According to the numbers, there are more or less half a million student-athletes in the US, however, of those only 2% become professional athletes; the rest will become professionals in something else. That implies that only the elite of the elite will manage to make a living by competing in their favorite sport. Nonetheless, this is not a reason to discourage children from participating in sports. After all, there is a lot to be gained from sports in terms of qualities and skills that can always come in handy in life. Teamwork and communication skills, a sense of community and time management are all positive effects of sports that are transferable and even required in most professions.

It is also likely that by being involved in sports, your kid will develop certain character attributes that are useful in life such as, determination, perseverance, positivity, a can-do attitude and passion. The key is communicating to your child that their goal when competing should not be to turn pro, but to do it for their own happiness and physical health. If they have the necessary talent to turn pro, their coach will most probably let you know. Most of those select few who stand a chance of turning pro will know it by the time they go to college and maybe even before that.

Even in the case where a child is destined to become a professional athlete, there are other challenges and obstacles that might impede them from doing so, such as, injuries. So, it is not only important to instil in children that there are benefits from competing aside from money, glory and fame, but also to encourage them to discover other passions in life. As most of them will not end up with a professional sports contract, you have to help them discover other interests, be they a specific profession, such as becoming a lawyer, or a broader field of interest, such as biology. That will help them develop an idea of what they want to do aside from sports.

Sports are a healthy and necessary activity for every child and most children will at some point express the desire to become professionals in their sport; very few of them will.  It is ok to have such wild dreams when they are particularly young, but as they grow older, parents have to help them become more realistic. The two most important things are helping children see the broader benefits of participating in sports, but also help them discover other passions and interests. This has to be done carefully so as to avoid crushing their capacity to make dreams and directing them to cynicism and pessimism.

Lesson wrap – up

The most important things that parents need to take away from this lesson are not the details per se—after all there is no one recipe as we said— but the contours we tried to set regarding their behavior and attitude in relation to their child, the coaching staff, winning and losing, etc. Parents should always remember that their child’s education is vital no matter how good or promising their child might be in sports.

At this point the instructor should go over the learning objectives stated at the beginning of the lesson and take questions from parents.  An open discussion on the concepts taught and how they relate to the parents, their kids and the whole family should be encouraged.